I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
