dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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