I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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