Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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