Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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