Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
