you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
