Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
