Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
