i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
