No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
