how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
