I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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