How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
