I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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