My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
pray to the hookup gods
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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