So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
