Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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