It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
