I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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