I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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