i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
