Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
