Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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