I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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