The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
