So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
