I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
