took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
