so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
