if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
