Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
