$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
