We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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