I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
