So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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