i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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