It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
