She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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