your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
