well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
