I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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