yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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