I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
