Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
