you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
