Nicole vs. Life
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
