A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
