I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
