WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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