we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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