I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
