I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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