mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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