4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
