Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
