your parents love me but you hate me
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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