you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
