I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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