Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
