I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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