I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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